An Early Halloween Tale

I had Lasik surgery two days ago, on one eye.

There are several different "Lasik" procedures, and I had the one called PRK (don't ask me what that means). It means that the actual procedure sounds less terrifying than a description of a true Lasik procedure. (Which type of procedure you qualify for depends on the thickness of your corneas and some other factors.)

So I vacillated over this decision for days, whether or not to get the surgery. I had a window of time in which to get the surgery done because of my work deadlines. Just THINKING about deciding about the surgery made me nauseous. I tend to work myself up mentally about things like shots and certain women's doctor appointments, track meets, the first day of school each year, and so on. (My first year of teaching, I lost 5-10 pounds at the beginning of the year because I couldn't eat breakfast or lunch for three weeks, due to nausea from nervousness, anxiety, and stress. I tell people, you want to lose weight? Be a teacher for a few weeks.)

So I knew this would not be an easy experience for me, even if it's supposed to be a relatively easy experience.

Before a potentially stressful experience, I tend to pack every minute leading up to it with things to do so my conscious mind doesn't have time to dwell on it. That's part of how I work myself up - the Dwelling. I managed to eat a decent amount of lunch before we left for the surgery appointment.

I always take a book with me everywhere, and this time I had a bag of things to keep my mind occupied: 2 books, some writing/journaling I needed to get done, and a magazine. And the Lasik office has People magazine so I can catch up on things like the fact that Heidi Klum is married to Seal. They probably got married 10 years ago, but I just found out. Unfortunately, that didn't keep me occupied for long.

Finally, I had to leave John behind and go by myself into the procedure room, which has glass walls so everyone in the back waiting room can see what's happening on a TV screen. (I learned at John's Lasik appointment - do not watch the TV screen!! Pull your eyes away from the screen! You can't help but watch in horrified fascination as lasers and tools do things to people's eyes. After John's procedure a few months ago, he was fine and I had to work hard to keep from fainting.)

Another thing I had put in my bag at the last minute was the innocuous stress ball. In my very stressful years of teaching, I occasionally worked the stress ball, but needed my hands for typing and grading papers. Never really put much stock in the stress ball.

The stress ball is what kept me sane. I have the type that isn't foam but filled with a thick liquid that I suspect might be toxic if punctured. I worked the stress ball so hard, my hands started cramping. I wondered if, if I asked if John could come hold my hand, would I be the first patient to be such a wimp?

The whole procedure, from the time you enter the room until the time you leave, takes less than five minutes. It felt like days. The doctor performing the procedure was very nice, but to someone like me who gets worked up, he seemed like a demon at the time, just during those 5 minutes. I felt so nauseous and kept thinking, I can't HURL while there is a LASER pointed at my EYE for crying out loud.

While the stress ball certainly keeps one busy, my MIND was Dwelling on the procedure to the point of my brain being ready to explode. I started to think of Bible verses that I have memorized, and this came to my head from Psalm 121: "I lift up my eyes to the hills; where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." Lift up my eyes ... maybe move on to something else. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me." For a panicked second, I couldn't remember where it was from. Then I couldn't quite remember the exact words to Psalm 23.

Moved on to Romans 12:1-2, memorized in high school. "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. Let us not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing, and perfect will." I was pretty sure that wasn't entirely correct, but mostly right.

Then moved on to Hebrews 12:1-3, one of my favorites: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat at the right hand of God the Father." Hm. Let us fix our eyes.... Move on! Next verse! But I was stuck on that one the rest of the time.

(Hurl warning: details ahead. May want to skip to next paragraph.) For the PRK procedure, they give you a million numbing drops in your eye, then a tool is placed around your eyeball to prevent you from blinking. They frequently give more drops to wet the eye. You are supposed to look continuously at the red blinking light above while you're lying down. Then a tool that looks like it belongs to a dentist comes in the line of sight, and your vision actually jiggles while SOMETHING is done to the eyeball. With the tool. This was the worst part, mentally, even though you can't feel anything (I couldn't even feel any pressure, thank goodness). The doctor gives frequent updates like "only a few seconds left, almost done, doing great" etc. since one loses all sense of time. What felt like hours later, that part of the procedure was done. Now for the laser. The doctor asked me how I was doing, ready to move on. At this point, I was in serious danger of throwing up or fainting or both. It's a good thing the room was freezing. I made him wait a minute so I could work on not hyperventilating. Then we moved on to the laser, which he said was the easy part. At the pre-op appointment, where you find out the details of the procedure, the description reads that the laser is loud, and there might be a funny smell, but you can't feel anything. I was really concerned about the "funny smell" part. Funny, as in unusual, or funny as in it will make me even MORE nauseous, if that's possible? How nauseous can one feel before the next logical step occurs?? Thanks be to God, I did not smell anything because by then it was surprisingly hard to concentrate on the blinking red light overhead. My eye kept wanting to wander on its own. I kept thinking, this is the laser part - it is VERY IMPORTANT to stay focused on the red light!! Then it was over.

After what felt like a ridiculously short period of time, the doctor asked me if I was ready to sit up. As my nerves resembled a melted glob of jello, I opted to remain lying down a while longer. They commented that I looked very white (a comment frequently made when I'm getting shots, for some reason) and put a wet cloth on my forehead. Finally I felt able to sit up without falling over, my hand still convulsively curled over the stress ball.

Having said all that, a disclaimer is necessary. I'm focusing on the subjective emotions of this experience, but the facts are these: Thousands of people get Lasik all the time and think it's the best thing they've ever done. You don't feel anything. It doesn't hurt. And while it can be a little unnerving since you have a front-row seat and don't get knocked out like for other surgical procedures, it goes by very fast since the whole thing takes less than 5 minutes.

Mentally, I recovered pretty quickly, though I didn't want to rehash the physical aspects and compare notes with John yet. I can understand why, with PRK, they only want to do one eye at a time. There IS an immediate improvement over your previous bad vision, but it's still blurry enough to not be able to read a book or drive safely. And the PRK recovery time is 1-2 weeks minimum before it really starts to clear up. So during recovery, the two eyes are off-balance.

It's not as disconcerting as I thought it would be, and I haven't gotten headaches from the imbalanced eyes (probably because they make you take 3 aspirins 4 times a day for 7 days!). Once I put my regular contact in the other eye, the PRK eye just felt like it had first-thing-in-the-morning gunk in it, like if I blinked a few times, it would go away and clear up.

Another difference between PRK and true Lasik is that during PRK recovery, for up to a week, the eye can feel like it's burning and gritty, like there's something in your eye but you can't get it out. And you just have to live with that for a week. But I figure living with a gritty-feeling eye is fine, just because the surgery itself is over!!

Of course, one "knows" what the procedure will do - clear your vision - and one can read all the nice testimonials about it, but actually SEEING the results is pretty amazing. For the first time since 5th grade, I could read something across the way without aid (I'm nearsighted). Still hazy, but I could read it. I can't read a book with the PRK eye because it's still blurred close up (unlike nearsightedness, which is clear close up), but since nearsightedness blurs more the farther away you look, I can see the improvement more at a distance.

I took some pictures to give an idea of the change, using the un-PRK eye to compare. In my regular eye, I can't even see there's a clock on the bookcase (yes, I have TERRIBLE vision):

In the PRK eye, I can now see the clock (and if I squint a little, I can tell the time):

And of course, the eye will continue to improve; the change isn't as immediate as the true Lasik procedure. (Plus, these are just pictures, approximated as best as I could gauge.)

Onward to 20/20 vision and then I'll get the other eye done in a month. No more Harry Carey glasses!